Feeling is the secret
Neville Goddard
In our modern societies, we do not really focus on feelings. We focus on actions, goals, objectives, and targets. We think about what we want but often enough we do not think about how we will feel once we reached our goals. And we tend to be so focus on reaching our targets that we forget to consider how we feel right now. We work hard to get that promotion/new job/… – how does reaching this objectives will make us feel? Will it make us happier than we are today? Will it elicit pride in us? Will we feel better than we do today? And once we get that promotion/new job/… will we take some time for ourselves or find a new target to focus on?
Knowing how we feel at a given time is not easy. Being able to put feelings into words is even more complicated. But taking the time to do it can have incredible consequences, more than it is commonly perceived. This is what I would like to talk about today: affect labelling, or the ability to put feelings into words. It is an emotion regulation mechanism, which unlike others does not require efforts per se. It is not about diffusing the feeling by focussing on something else, either by looking away or convincing ourselves it is not as bad as it looks. It is not about eliminating the emotion felt by avoiding the situation that elicited that emotion; it is about acknowledging the way we feel, objectively and without judgment.
Contrary to a popular belief, expressing your emotional states do not intensify the way you feel. It diffuses it. It might seem counterintuitive: by focussing on your feelings in order to put them into words, you end up returning to a more neutral emotional state (and it’s true for both positive and negative feelings). Focussing on your emotion brings you peace. How? Why? There seems to be some debate and lots of grey areas in the scientific communities regarding these questions but here’s what is known so far.
One thing affect labelling requires is to focus on finding the words to express how we feel. It acts as a cognitive distraction, not because we stop focussing on the situation eliciting an emotional response in us, but because instead of processing it with our senses, we try to process it with our words. The sensory areas in the brain are distinct to the language areas. Affect labelling is a mental exercise consisting of switching which main areas of the brain is active at a given time. The brain is still going to process the situation, which will still elicit an emotional response in us. But our consciousness stop focussing on this to focus on understanding how to express is.
Which brings us to the second thing affect labelling requires of us: self-reflection, or mindfulness. No need to hop on a mat for a yoga session or actively stop to meditate. Having conscious of the existence of our feelings and emotion is a good start. Accepting that we have feelings, that situations will affect us is a good start. Affect labelling is a starting point to reflect: how do I feel right now? Once we’ve answer that, we can focus on what elicited that emotion and why do we think that is. Affect labelling does not need to be verbal. It requires words, but not oral language. Writing is another way to reflect. It can be very personal and private, it can be all over the social media. It can be over a cup of coffee with your friends. It can be whatever you need it to be.
Affect labelling seems to be a good way to reduce concerns and anxieties associated with a situation. Feelings are often very obscure – we know we feel something, we just don’t know what. Taking the time to reflect on our emotional state helps reducing the stress of uncertainty. We don’t need to have the exact word to describe how we feel. We can start by knowing how we don’t feel (I don’t feel scared really), then use words we know to describe how we do feel (It’s more like I feel anxious). We don’t even need to use emotion words at all! Referring to situations make it easier to express the current emotional state (I feel like when you’re standing on top of a cliff, looking down).
Finally, putting emotion in words seems to demystify feelings and give them substances. Once we manage to label emotion, it’s not an abstract concept anymore. Here it is, right there in black and white on paper (or expressed orally). That is how I feel right now.
So here we go – we don’t have all the answers yet as to how or why affect labelling works, but it does. So why not giving it a try? Next time you can feel something crawling inside of you, face it, don’t switch it off. Look inside and try understand what it is you feel. Give a name to your feelings, accept them for what they are, and watch them fading away.
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