Accept – then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.
- Eckhart Tolle
UK lockdown – end of week 4. Creating new habits takes about 60 days. 2 full months. After 3 months, the new habit becomes part of your daily life. Full functional adaptation to our new way of confined life will thus take up to 3 months… at this rate we might actually have the time to grow accustomed to our locked life and integrated social distancing permanently as a new way of interacting with each other. They called us the connected generation; they had no idea how accurate it will become. Are we all to abandon live interactions for online ones? Will the new generations never know the pleasure of hanging out with friends in a pub for after-work drinks? Let’s hope things will not go that far…
After 3 weeks of quarantine, the novelty of it clearly faded. This lockdown has now been longer than any usual holiday period. And unlike holidays, we do not know when we will be freed. 3 weeks is usually a good length for holidays: the 1st week is used to slowly realised you do not need to go to work or even think about work; by the 2nd week, you unwind and relax; the 3rd week, you fully enjoy and start to prepare the return to work. Any longer period of time usually involves some form of planned trips or things to do. In any ‘normal’ situation, we have an idea of the timeline we have to be dealing with. There are always things we cannot foresee. But at least we have a good visibility over the coming months that allow us to make plans. When that visibility is taken from us, we feel lost. Our free-will has been snatched away from us. After the first few weeks, the reality of this sinks in and that can lead to a loss of morale and many questionings: will this ever end? Is this how life is to be from now on?
Many of us might have been through this wonderfully gloom phase, I sure did last week, and even though it won’t make going through it easier just know this: it is normal, it is to be expected, it affects almost all of us and it will pass. One aspect of personality that could help move forward and get out of the gloominess rapidly is the propensity to be optimistic. Your optimism is something you can grow and cultivate; it is a choice consciously made: will you decide to see the glass half-full or half-empty? Turns out, we actually gotta have hope. Hope can get you through tough times, that’s what research has shown: among Vietnam prisoners of war, the ones that had least post-traumatic stress were the more optimistic ones. The soldiers optimistic about better times to come and that were focussing on the idea that it wasn’t the end.
Now, the quarantine most people are currently experiencing is a lot nicer than the ones prisoners of war went through (emphasis on the most people; we do need to acknowledge the lockdown can be particularly challenging for a fair amount of people…), however many parallels exist between the 2 situations: we have no idea when it is going to end, a lot of our movements are being controlled and restricted, we are (more or less) isolated from our loved ones and meaningful social contacts are limited or inexistent.
If until now you tended to see the glass half-empty, fear not. Optimism is something you can learn. Start by looking around and realising how better off you are than other people, appreciate the things in front of you: the light coming through the window, the food in front of you. Examine your thoughts and try asking yourself what made you think that: engage a dialog with your inner voice and ask yourself “why am I feeling like I won’t make it through?” and try figure out whether you have actual cause for feeling that way. Tell your inner voice to cut you some slack, acknowledge whether you could be doing things differently (maybe the 5th Easter egg was a bit too much) and accept it. Reflect on own to do better and whether it is possible in the current situation. Meditation is one way to develop your optimism, by learning to observe your thoughts and body, by being in the ‘now’ and being aware of what’s in front if you. Being optimistic leads to being resilient, and we all need a bit of that right now.
Now, I understand that meditation is not for everyone and that some people just can’t do it. That’s fine. How about taking the time to do nothing? Doesn’t have to be a long time but here’s a challenge for you: at a time when it is possible, isolate yourself (asking not to be disturb, while the kids are busy, just before bed…) and set a timer for 5 minutes. Sit or lay down and do nothing. Nothing at all. No music, no doodling, no phone or other connected device, no nothing. The lockdown is a time when everything around us slows down. It is a time to become re-acquainted with idleness. Idleness is a time to connect with the self, a time to look around and let the thoughts come and go. Make a deal with your inner voices: if they give you 5min of stillness, you’ll come back more efficient and more focus for whatever they think you absolutely need to do right this instant. The world is not gonna collapse in those 5min (some might argue it already has). However, being here and now even for a short period of time might give you a whole new perspective.
Taking the time to slow down could allow you to enjoy the simple pleasure of life more: you might notice different nuances of green in the leaves of the tree you can see through the window, you might enjoy music even more. A team of Canadian researchers showed that our modern societies are full of symbols that suggest speed. Everything is about being performant and providing with ways to reduce the amount of “lost” time, including while eating (isn’t it why fast-food was invented after all?). This permanent reminder to be ‘efficient’ in turn has altered our sensibility to simple aesthetic pleasures in our surroundings. We have lost our aptitude to relish. Take 5min to do nothing then cook something: aren’t the smells more vivid? Isn't the food more tasty?
Here and now, the world has slowed down. Here and now, we can take the time to do nothing for a little while. Here and now is all we have. Let’s try to find ways to enjoy it.
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