Follow your heart but take your brain with you.
Alfred Adler
“Life” should really be called “the permanent battle between Heart and Brain”. Reason and feelings have been opposed since the dawn of philosophy. People like Socrates, Descartes and many other great minds of the past qualified feelings as bestial remnants, and emotions as disturbances of the mind; our ability to think and reason was what distinguish humans from animals (cogito ergo sum - we are defined by our thinking mind, not the feeling one) and the mind should always prevail over feelings. In other words, we should never listen to our heart and always trust our brain to know what’s best.
Over the centuries, scientists started to contest this view, and the evolutionary argument entered the scene: if emotions and feelings are really so detrimental to us, why do we still have then? After 2,000+ years of evolution, we got rid of out tail (keeping only a tailbone as a vague memory of our distant past), we stopped walking on all fours (or swinging between branches), we learn to organise ourselves as big groups, and yet we still have feelings and emotions. This doesn’t make sense… unless feelings have a purpose: we have emotion for a reason (evolutionary speaking). Emotions are thought to prepare the body to respond to stimuli, like run away when you’re scared, or respond positively to the things you like. But we still need Brain to analyse the situation and see that our final response is fully appropriate to the situation. For instance, if someone makes you jump it can be appropriate to punch them if they’re a stranger trying to rob you… not so much if they’re a friend playing a prank on you.
Every day, Brain has to pull up with Heart. In our modern societies, we are exposed all the time to things to buy, things to do, things to see, places to explore. Heart wants it all and wants to do it all. Brain has to find a balance between what is pure desire and what is actually needed, rationalising every decision. Some people are really good at listening to Brain while others would follow Heart everywhere. Brain’s in for the long-run, planning things ahead with a 2-year plan, thinking things through. Heart has no idea what a 2-year plan is; instant gratification is the goal, “see, like, want, get” is the motto. We all have had a time when we had to choose which one to follow: rational Brain or impulsive Heart. It can feel like having a demon and an angel on each shoulder, each one giving you advice about what you should or shouldn’t do. And there’s always one that wins you over.
For instance, you know you should go out for a run knowing you have a race coming up; Brain has a whole training plan ready to effortlessly (that what he thinks…) prepare you for the day; Heart comes up with an incredible number of excuses and “better” things to do than train (sleep, watch series, read…). Which one do you follow? Depends on the day.
Brain is all logic and reason, Heart is full of desire and emotions.
Brain is all serious and responsible, Heart is frivolous.
Brain learns from everything, Heart never learns and would always fall in the same traps.
Brain never misses a chance to say: “I told you so”, Heart doesn’t judge.
Brain grows up, Heart remains innocent and irresponsible.
Brain is the essence of adulthood, Heart is the spirit of childhood.
They couldn’t be more different and yet they need each other. It would be incredibly sterile to go through life following only Brain, rationalising every decision and doing only what we should be doing or what’s good for us. On the other hand, it would be rather destructive to follow Heart everywhere, doing only what we want with no consideration about consequences and with only instant gratifications in mind. As with everything in life, moderation is key. If it is important to think through important decision in life, we should keep space for the impromptu and the spontaneous. Not everything will have negative long-term consequences, and we need Heart to loosen up Brain once in a while, in the same way we need Brain to remind Heart not everything is about wants and pleasures.
I said Heart never learns. It is not entirely true – Heart can learn to speak a language Brain will understand, explaining how doing this or that would release endorphins or reduce cortisol. Because Heart knows that sometime, we need a break from overthinking everything every now and then, or that indulging is good for us. Especially when we do it with a friend. Have you noticed that you are more willing to order something not-so-healthy when you’re with a friend than when you’re alone? Particularly if your friend’s the one to order first and go for the not-so-healthy choice. When indulgence becomes altruistic, we focus more on how our friend feels rather than on how bad it is of us to not stick to a healthy-all-around plan. In this case, Heart seems to overtake Brain in the battle for power: concern for a friend’s feelings trumps health plan.
Learning to follow Heart while being open to Brain’s wisdom is a tricky one to learn… but I hear it’s worth is. And that without Guts coming into the play! At least Brain can somewhat reason with Heart, imposing some form of self-control over Heart. If Guts decide they don’t like something, there is no reasoning that will make Guts change their mind!
The secret of a fulfilled life seems to be: listen to your guts, follow your heart, but don’t forget to take your brain on the journey.
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