The time which we have at our disposal every day is elastic; the passions that we feel expand it, those that we inspire contract is; and habit fills up what remains.
- Marcel Proust
UK lockdown – end of week 3.
Another week gone. Another week to come. Another week when we are told to stay indoors. Another week to interact virtually with our loved ones. Another week not knowing when the situation will end. Another week not being able to hug anyone (at least if you are quarantined on your own).
Another week not knowing when the situation will end… I’ve mentioned it before: not knowing when a situation will end can generate stress. But it can also temper our motivation, our resolution and our compliance with the lockdown. The brain works in such a way that it needs goals to find motivation, it needs deadlines to know how to allocate resources and energy. Imagine you are going on a walk or on a run; if you don’t know how long the walk/run is going to be, you are less likely to sustain an intense rhythm throughout. You will conserve your energy and pace yourself so you could go for 2 km or 20 km. However, you could also lose your motivation rapidly if you do not know how far you are supposed to go – remember when you were a kid and distances or time didn’t mean anything to you and you kept asking your parents when you would get there? Yep, exactly that. However, if you have a goal when you set off for your walk/run, it will be easier to know when to push yourself or when to pace yourself, you will have a better idea how to use your resources. Knowing the deadline helps keep you motivated. In the same way that you get a sudden regain of energy when you can finally see the arrival/finish line. Just like kids suddenly stop moaning and sprint towards the house, even though they were apparently unable to put another foot in front of the other and you’ve been carrying them for the past 2 km… It doesn’t matter how old we are, how grown-up, how mature, we all have an inner child inside us that needs deadlines and goals in order to remain motivated.
Another week not being able to hug anyone… Day-dreaming and forward planning is a great way to escape and explore new possibilities and a good way to palliate the lack of physical exploration. Virtual hangouts and video calls are far better than no social contacts or calls with no videos. But it still ain’t the real deal. Not only does our brain strives for social interactions, it also longs for physical contact. Simple touches like shaking hands, a tap on the shoulder, a hug… all those simple gestures we used to do without thinking about it that brought us so much and that are now forbidden. After all, isn’t it the first from of affection we experience in life, as a new-born being hold by our parents? Unfortunately, all those touches we long for could very well kill us in the current situation (cf. Bo Jo in intensive care if anyone still needs proof of this…). What can we do then? If you are isolated with others, remember that your household is a safe space where friendly taps and handshaking can provide such a boost to your wellbeing. If you are confined with your romantic partner, well, you are basically ‘stuck’ with your number 1 hugger – enjoy! And if you are isolated on your own… despair not! Self-grooming (I couldn’t really talk about self-touching… it sounds wrong and not exactly where I’m going with that) also releases serotonin (one of the feel-good hormones) and reduces stress. Look after yourself and why not including a 5-min self-massage in your daily routine (when applying moisturiser for instance)?
Another week to interact virtually with our loved ones… A recent study showed that when placed in situation of social isolation, the brain reacts in exactly the same way than when fasting. After spending about 10 awaken hours fasting, we are hungry and craving food; after 10 awaken hours in total social isolation, we can be lonely and crave social interactions. The lockdown is then a time of intermittent fasting: we are social distancing, or even physically isolated, but thanks to social media and virtual hangouts we can stay in touch with people. But are social medias always helping? The human nature is such that we are conditional co-operators, that is we consent to a lockdown… if we know everybody else is also doing it. We are able to make huge sacrifices if we know everybody in our community is also doing the same sacrifice as us. We can stand social isolation and quarantining ourselves indoors if we know everyone is in the same boat. But we are not all in the same boat, are we? And it is absolutely normal that not all quarantine looks the same. Where you live (city, peri-urban areas, country-side), the type of place you live in (flat, house), the people you are lockdown with (friend, family, no one), whether you have an outdoor area (balcony, garden, countryside) and the size of that area… all those factors will vary from one person to the next and will impact our quarantine experience. In all honesty, how do you feel when you see pictures of people enjoying the quarantine from the comfort of their backyard, doing a barbecue or enjoying a walk in the countryside and the comfort of a large house when you are yourself stuck in a flat, in a city, where measures are a lot more drastic? Do you feel like the lockdown is the best thing that happened so far this year? No matter how altruistic you are or how happy it makes you to see your friends/family/loved one enjoying such conditions, it will always make you think of all the things they have, and you don’t.
Social medias are a great way to stay in touch with your loved ones, but now more than ever it can also be a strain on your mental health: it is no longer only about having a perfect body, it is all about having the best quarantine ever… Remember though: by staying indoors, you are contributing to the common good; you are doing your bit in the fight against the virus. Your self-control and ability to inhibit our wish to socialise and move around will be tested. However, it is a time to practice doing so and maybe transfer what we learn to fight against climate change… because that fight will also involve a lot of inhibition and self-control in the years to come.
Could the lockdown be any good? Is there any way to put the time we have to good use?
The lockdown is a mental strain for many reasons, one of them being that we don’t know when it will end. That’s why we need to create goals for ourselves, set new challenges, learn new things. Having a routine can help alleviate part of the stress as it provides a structure to the day. How you fill up your day then is up to you: do you want to try cooking this dish you never had time to before? Do you feel like doing some DIY and rearranging your interior? Do you want to read a book (fictional, self-love, motivational, or other)? Learn a new language? Learn a new skill? Learn a new craft? What is the thing you used to push back to “when you’ll have time”? Now could be the time to pick it up. Watching series is not a goal, it is an efficient procrastination, a distraction. Nothing wrong with distracting yourself once in a while, but it can’t be a full-time occupation. Your brain will go numb if you do that and your mental health will suffer from it. There are enough strains on mental as it is without adding a new one, don’t you think? Use the time you have to think about the things that are important to you, the things you’ve learnt about you during the lockdown and think about what you want for yourself when it is all over. Write in down, make plans for the future. If the lockdown is a social fasting, use it in the same way you would a food-fasting: see it as a regenerating time for you to focus on yourself for a little bit and will make (virtually) socialising so much more enjoyable.
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